1stressedmama

I was suppose to blog this last night but was passed out by 9:45. I was exhausted. Anyway, day 1 went wonderfully. I stuck to my guns and took no nibbles of anything I wasn’t supposed to. Since yesterday was Sunday, I didn’t workout. Calories were logged on Fitday and they came to around 1560. I said I wouldn’t go below 1700 but since I didn’t workout I didn’t worry too much about getting the extra 200 or so cals in. I felt really good when I woke up this morning. I hit the water heavier than normal yesterday because I had so much bloat from all the crap I had been eating. So this morning when I went to the bathroom I sounded like Austen Powers after they unfroze him. But I can already feel a difference in my stomach. Looking forward to today. Have to get the cardio going today for at least an hour.

Have a good day peeps!

Well, I’m starting a 14 day program today to get my arse back in gear. I’m in a funk because I’m not seeing results so the way I handle it….is to binge eat? WTFruit cocktail?!?!?!?! I’m completely insane! But that’s another story. Anyway when I think about it I haven’t been sticking….and I mean really sticking to my healthy eating and exercise. I find any excuse in the book for not getting a workout in here or there and then without even thinking I’m sticking a bite of food in my mouth that I have no business eating because I’m not really hungry (it’s usually boredom….and yes with 2 small boys I still manage to get bored…don’t know how…but anyway). So starting today I’m sticking…..and I mean STICKING to my healthy eating. I’m logging my cals on Fitday which will be a min. of 1700 to 1800 max. No eating after 7:30pm. No picking uneaten food off my kids’ plates!!! I will get in 4 days of cardio (whether I’m bored with it or not) for at least 60 minutes a day and do 2 days of strength training upper and lower. I’m going to blog about it every day at the end of the day posting calories, water, and exercise, moods, struggles, etc. My reward for making it through the 14 days…and this is going to sound strange….a new exercise dvd. It’s what I really want since I’m bored with the ones I’m doing now and I’m finding that while I’m looking for a new one I’m using it as an excuse to keep putting off my exercise…like “I’ll wait til the new one comes in the mail and then I’ll start working out again”. So I’m not allowed to shop for a new dvd until I make it through these 14 days. And I’ve heard somewhere it takes 14 days for something to become a habit….and I really need healthy eating and exercise to become my habit again. Somewhere along the way I tried to give up on myself and I’ve come too far to do that. My starting weight as of this morning…209. I’m not changing my ticker because 201 was where I was at my last weigh in for the Elements. (Yes I gained 8 lbs. in a little over a week (mostly fluid I know but still….ugh). But anyway I’ll weigh in on my blogs at the end of the 14 days.

Have a good day peeps. I look forward to any support and advice.

Well gals & guys, I had my pizza last night. I also ate a salad so I wouldn’t go overboard with the pizza BUT I went overboard anyway. I noticed all of a sudden that 2 times this week I let myself indulge and it’s the exact same week that I could have made it to the 100’s. I’m seeing a self-sabotage pattern again and I’m not sure why or what to do about it. The only thing getting in the way of my success is my own mind. I need some help. I’m not stressed about my weight loss anymore…or at least I don’t think I am. I’ve let go of all the things that were causing me to be miserable…the timeline, the counting calories, the buying smaller clothes and hating myself until I could fit in them. So what the heck is my problem this time? I must be afraid of something, right? Why can’t I let myself get below 200??? I don’t get it. I should get it. But I don’t.

This is not the first time I’ve been really close to one-derland and then boogered it up. I’ve actually been battling these same pounds since last Oct. or Nov. I thought it was the pressure I was putting on myself of being a certain weight by a certain date but apparently that’s not the problem. Although, it has made me happier and helped me see all the wonderful progress I’ve made so far instead of waiting until I hit the magic number of 165 before I’m allowed to start living.

But something’s not clicking. The rest of this blog is me talking to myself.

1. The number on the scale does not define who I am. 165 is a number that my body should be at to be healthier.

2. I am so proud of myself for the weight I’ve already lost.

3. I feel so good when I eat healthy and drink plenty of water.

4. Life is about choices and there’s always going to be time for some yummy pizza.

5. I look amazing in my clothes now and love that I can buy clothes in regular stores now.

6. If I can’t lose another pound eating healthy and exercising, I will be happy at a size 16/18. I will NEVER let myself be 273 lbs and miserable again.

7. I owe it to myself to try and reach 165. I’m worth the effort.

Something’s not clicking. Why am I afraid of one-derland?

So I kinda left BuddySlim in a hurry. I sent emails to close friends letting them know I was leaving for some “me” time and then I deleted my account. Well doo-doo brain here deleted the account before everyone got to read the email so it disappeared too. DOH!

Anyway I just needed to get my sh*t together and feel a little better now. I’m in the process of weaning off Lexapro and I’m hoping and praying I can handle life without it. I found out my son has a neurological disorder called Sensory Processing Disorder. Once upon a time they called it Sensory Integration Dysfunction. I’m in the process of trying to find out what steps I need to take to get him into therapy.

I’ve been losing and gaining the same 10 lbs. for the last 4 months. I’m changing up my workouts. I think I have ADD when it comes to exercise and am trying really hard to not get bored with anything I’m doing. Hopefully changing my routine will get me over this hump and into “one”derland soon.

I’m missed my buddies and have lost you all so please add me to your buddy lists. I hope I can move forward in this journey with your support and that I can give you all the push you need. Love ya!